Hello to the lost land of the living.

There is no excuse as to my absence. None at all. Except for the fact that I have been having a mid-life crisis. Or a breakdown. Whatever terminology you favor is fine with me.

I know, you scoff. I'm too young you say. Well, there is that. But I'd rather classify the last several months into the mid-life thing so that I can pretend that I won't be going through all of this again in the future. You're only supposed to have one mid-life crisis per lifetime, right?

Don't tell me if I'm wrong.

Anyways.

While I've floated in a sea of lost goals, misplaced dreams, and wandering purpose, I have discovered I few unflattering truths about myself. The worst of which is that I'm selfish. Probably always have been. I can see it too. Can see how I've constantly sucked the attention for myself out of other people without returning my attention to them. To their lives, to their problems-good or bad.

I'm probably most at fault with my family. With my friends next in line. How I have managed to maintain any relationships throughout my life, I really don't know. What I also don't know is why no one has ever told me this before. It can't possibly be a secret to anyone who has spent anytime in my company.

For the life of me, though, I don't know if it's something I'm capable of changing. But I hope I can try.

Another truth. I'm lazy. Which goes soooo nicely with the selfish thing, don't you think? So with the lazy realization comes the fact that I like to veg out-mentally-for like a day or so at a time. I don't mind hard work. But I want a reward for it. Like only reading smutty romance books for a whole day while only taking breaks to pee and eat chocolate.

So we can extrapolate from my ramblings that I may have been indulging in the vegging out thing a little too much recently-which I could have rationalized as okay at some point if I had actually EARNED it, but since I hadn't...oh, well. We can also extrapolate that I fully intend, barring any wayward selfish and lazy tendencies, to begin a moderate foray back into my writing. Of course, I will have to schedule in some veg time.

But I will be happy to post whatever progress is made, or at least attempted. Well, maybe just thought about. Veg time may prove hard to surrender to this change.