After more revising--always with the revising!--I sent off the first 500 words or so to Kee, and she gave me some very useful feedback. What I took away from it was a reminder not to be afraid of "telling". There has to be some narration along with all the doing and saying, or my readers are going to be left to their own devices in constructing the story. Then when they get more information later, it may clash with the stories they have in their heads, and that's where I'll lose them.
Then Kee sent me another email with a line-by-line critique, and now I feel like a giant jackass because I hadn't even realized I had mixed up 2 C-names in only 500 words. That might explain some of the confusion, DUH! I think I'll change my C-Cheryl to S-Sheryl, just to keep it from happening again. And did I mention D'OH!?
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