On the high school note...

I have had the thought lately that I am not the same girl I was back then. In some ways (no more baby fat, no more BIG hair), it's not so bad. In other ways, not so good. Aside from the fact I'm STILL dealing with unruly hormones (mine and my pre-pubescent kids), the drive/spark/ambition that kept me at the top of my class is gone.

I read an interesting blog over BookEnds about writers and the company they keep with other writers. (I'd link it if I knew how.) It basically talked about how the drive to succeed and compete will eventually lump good writers together. Then this support network pushes them farther and higher.

My mother has told me that in high school I competed with my dear Nee. I have always said to that, "I never FELT that I competed with her." For all the world to know...Nee was, and still is, on a much higher academic level than me. I never knowingly tried to compete with her, but, yes, it could account for some of my success back then (even though Nee was two years ahead of me).

Okay, so what's up now? I still have the amazing support of Nee (and a few other very friendly friends) who have contributed much to my efforts at being a published author. Is it the same as direct competition? Well, no. Do I have the benefit of constant feedback/praise? Yes. Do I have someone pushing me to do more? Yes, multiple someones.

So where's my drive? Why can't I finish the first novel?

Maybe it's because I am still the girl I was back in high school...I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up...I am taking the safer road (the safer classes)...To be an accountant will be more stable than being a writer...If I don't try something risky, I can't fail at it.

The idea will still be safe in my dreams.