And then all the planets aligned...

I had the urge Tuesday night to re-read what I had done on a story I had started but hadn't touched in a while. The story--code name RELATION--and its characters had been swarming around my head after I posted. Mainly, I think, because I was seriously doubting if writing was something I wanted to pursue and I was also seriously doubting if RANSOM was ever going to get done.

Part of the problem is that I like my characters in RANSOM too much. I think that's part of my progression/perfection problem and why I'm not getting anywhere. I started RELATION on a whim of an idea and just typed away until I hit a brick wall. It took a relatively short amount of time for what I had complete, but it was also over TWO years since I touched it...AGH!

Alas, when I re-read it, I thought 'Not too bad.' It had some of the same mistakes I have been trying to eliminate in RANSOM, but it would be easy enough to fix. As I was in the middle of reading, I couldn't remember where I'd left the story-just that I knew I had hit the wall and didn't know what came next. To my surprise, the last line I had typed--which had nothing to do with the story--was 'This is a test.'

It floored me. That is EXACTLY the phrase I have been using in describing all the crap that has been going on in my life the last 8 months. It's felt like the decisions that have been put before me are a test of what I really want and where/what I need to be. So to see it on something I wrote two years ago is...yeah.

I go to bed with the story on my mind. At 3:44 the next morning I wake up with where the story is supposed to go next-I'm on the other side of the wall! I try to tell myself it'll still be in my head at a decent hour and to go back to sleep. Then I keep hearing 'This is a test.' So I get up and, bleary-eyed, go outline what I woke up with. Then the next day, I outline more. So now I'd say I had 8/10 of the story outlined and plotted. That's a first for me-knowing where the story is going before I write it.

It may not be a best-seller but it would make a nice category romance. And best of all, right now it would mean I actually get to write new stuff instead of editing old stuff. Every time I feel like quitting, I hear 'This is a test' and keep going.