Yesterday I sat down and worked on my paper for most of the day. For all that effort, I have a pretty pitiful amount done, but today I am going to power on as soon as I get home.

I was telling John about my paper, and he had a very astute observation to make: My paper doesn't have to be the best paper in the world, it just has to be good enough--and finished.

I think that is one of my major stumbling blocks; I feel like my school work has to completely wow my instructors, but scholarship isn't about making amazing discoveries with every single work. It is more about adding incrementally to the total of the scholarship that has gone before you. In my case, I am writing a paper for a class, so the point is more to show that I can synthesize information into a coherent whole, not so much that I have something new of my own to say.

I wonder how I can turn the above into a mantra for when I start to backslide?

J.K. Rowling's commencement speech at Harvard University

It's very touching and thought-provoking, what she has to say.

I once had an idea for a children’s book: an American child moves to Germany and learns her way around her new town and/or shows her visiting relatives around town. I was moderately pleased with the idea.

Then I saw in the library today that someone has done exactly that for the city of Stuttgart. It looks a bit like a visitor’s bureau guide for the 12-and-under set, complete with maps.

I had envisioned an artist’s rendition, maybe in watercolors, of some of the highlights of Heidelberg interspersed with pictures of the characters.

Just because someone else has done something similar to my original idea here doesn’t mean that there might not still be a market for it in America, but it is kind of disappointing on the one hand, that someone beat me to the punch, but exhilarating on the other, to know that the idea I had was a viable one.

My boss in the English Department is sort of on sabbatical this semester—she swapped places with a professor in New Mexico. Back in April, she was in town for a conference and arranged to have lunch with us lowly student employees. She told us a really outrageous story about the goings-on in her department-away-from-home (which I won’t go into here, but it was way out there). Then she wanted to hear about how we were all doing.

One of the other student employees, S, brought up the creative writing class she is taking. Apparently there is this core group of students who keep taking the class every semester and are very resistant to any suggestions for change. (Of course, the student who brought up the changes prefaced her statement with, “In America, we….” Dumb, dumb, dumb.) S is very disappointed in the class, because she was hoping that they would actually work on specific problems—say characterization, for instance—and would get and give honest feedback. But no, the old-timers want to churn out new stories every week and cash in on a warm fuzzy in class, not work on improving what they’ve already written.

And to add another layer of frustration with the class, there is a fellow student who only writes really icky porn. Badly written icky porn. She says she can tell that he is mostly trying to freak out his classmates. She is more freaked out by his lack of interpersonal skills and disregard for personal space.

What was really strange about her mentioning this guy was that I had just read some of his stuff not 30 minutes before our lunch. I was working in the English Department library, and I finished up with a little time to spare before lunch, so I was browsing the course materials on the hold shelf. Creative writing caught my eye, so I thought I’d see what was in that binder. There were a few stories in there, one a take on Snow White that I really liked and which induced me to keep reading. That’s when I found the ick-meister. As I told S and everyone at lunch, it seemed that he was trying to show off how many synonyms for “semen” he knew. At which my boss did a spit take and declared that she had missed me.

I read a fascinating article in the New York Times earlier in the month about willpower, “Tighten Your Belt, Strengthen Your Mind,” in the context of changing spending habits in a worsening economy. Here are some excerpts:

“The brain has a limited capacity for self-regulation, so exerting willpower in one area often leads to backsliding in others. The good news, however, is that practice increases willpower capacity, so that in the long run, buying less now may improve our ability to achieve future goals.
…
“The brain’s store of willpower is depleted when people control their thoughts, feelings or impulses, or when they modify their behavior in pursuit of goals. Psychologist Roy Baumeister and others have found that people who successfully accomplish one task requiring self-control are less persistent on a second, seemingly unrelated task.
…
“Focusing on success is important because willpower can grow in the long term. Like a muscle, willpower seems to become stronger with use. The idea of exercising willpower is seen in military boot camp, where recruits are trained to overcome one challenge after another.”

This totally makes sense to me. I find that if I complete one task toward writing my paper—for example, reading an article—I can hardly bring myself to keep going and read a second article, or make notes, or work on my outline. After reading this, I realize that it is not really fair of me to kick myself for not powering through. On the other hand, I should be aware of this tendency to fag out and should take steps to train my willpower in this area.

"It is a delicious thing to write, to be no longer yourself but to move in an entire universe of your own creating." Gustave Flaubert

Janet Reid, literary agent, has some excellent advice on her blog about making mistakes. She makes a good point that the fear of making mistakes is actually more deadly than the mistakes themselves.

I got this from WesTexGirl, and I am just not sure about the results. Dash, eh? Somehow I feel more like a semi-colon.

Dein Ergebnis:: Dash

You scored 23% Sociability and 52% Sophistication!

There's no denying that you have a certain flair. You don't mind being around others, especially your little brother, the hyphen, but you rarely emerge except when needed. You respond well to those who know how to treat you, but have only contempt for those who don't--you tend to embarass them every chance you get. Your only enemy is the colon--he will sometimes try to move in on your turf.

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on OkCupid Kostenloses Online Dating, home of the Der Dating Typ Test View My Profile(Gazda)

So I am sitting here beating my head against a works cited list I am wrestling into shape, and I look up to see that it is snowing. *here is where my mouth falls open* It's not sticking, of course, because it has been too warm since about January, but that's not stopping it from falling. There are quite a few big chunks of snow, too, as big as the end of my thumb. Now I'm glad we started our seeds in the sunroom instead of on the balcony. I just hope that Hannah is eating her lunch indoors today.

Well, gentle reader, Kee and I are now officially on hiatus until after April 1. She is neck-deep in tax season, and I am off to the States for a lovely (too-short) visit.

Maybe there will be something to report after I get back.

Have a nice Easter!

I've made a decision.

I can't keep up with everything right now, so I'm going to stop sending my stuff for a while. I'll probably even stop checking the internet, too.

It won't be forever, but I just don't have enough time in the day to do it all and still have time to sleep. Since I've been fighting some kind of mongo headache for the last week and a half (it's not a migraine, sinus, or my blood pressure so it must be stress), I need as much rest as possible so I can function at an acceptable level.

Think of me while I'm exiled.

Writing the last page of the first draft is the most enjoyable moment in writing. It's one of the most enjoyable moments in life, period. -Nicholas Sparks, author (1965- )

I was too tired to post Monday after I finished working. I am only working tonight until it's time to put the laundry in the dryer, but I thought I better check in.

It's been a crapfest around here lately but at least there's plenty of motivation to be a rich and famous writer. I may hold off doing any of my other web lurking until I get some more of what's in my head down on paper. So if you don't hear from me for a while, it's not because I'm goofing off.

Oh, and isn't there some kind of eclipse tonight? Isn't that like a sign of the wrath of the heavens, an indicator of a major disturbance of the universe, a precursor to a significant cosmic event? Like, oh, say, someone fixing to turn 36. Holy schmoe.

After hearing from my instructor that my paper was ready to pick up, I decided that the best way to prepare for bearding the beast in its den (or office, as the case may be) would be for me to reread the paper in question. It had been a whole semester since I had turned it in, and I wasn’t even completely sure anymore what was in there.

You have to understand—I HATE rereading my own writing. Just contemplating it fills me with a feeling of dread. I know I have to do it—eventually—but I’d rather have all my skin grated off with a rusty cheese grater.

And to add another layer of weird to the crazy cake, I swing between thinking it is going to be a steaming pile of crap and thinking it might be the best thing my instructor got that semester. (I know—see crazy, above.)

As I finally read back over it, I noticed some typos, a few misused words, a few places I could have done a better job of explaining and organizing, but all in all, it was o.k. And I was satisfied with that.

Forward to this morning, waiting for the line outside the instructor’s office to dwindle. I was able to get some reading in for my paper-in-progress and not freak out too much, at least not until I was the last one outside the door. This is the instructor who can eviscerate you with her direct manner and constructive criticism, without really intending to. But she didn’t say anything about my paper that I didn’t already know, and she gave me some useful feedback I can apply to my current paper and my future thesis. And she gave me a 2 (roughly a high B). So I am more than satisfied with my grade (I would have been happy with a 3), and highly relieved that it’s over.

One down, two to go.

Kee sent me the following:

For Feb. 11
"I am so proud of me. I missed posting last Wed but that doesn't mean I didn't work. I've been going strong. In fact, I just had a monster session. 1300 NEW words AND I reused a scene that I thought I was going to have to scrap because it didn't make sense anymore. It just all kinda came together."

For Feb. 13
"I do have some new stuff tonight, but it's not fine tuned cause I just needed to 'block' the rest of what's been in my head. So it doesn't make sense to anybody but me right now. Maybe Monday it'll be ready."

So she is really getting the words onto paper.

Go, Kee!

Kee has been super busy with her day job, so she hasn't had much time for getting on the Internet at home, mostly because she's been getting so much writing in! Yay, Kee! She is keeping me posted via email, and I'll try to pass on the updates here, in case anyone is following along at home.

I fell asleep while reading for my paper this afternoon. It may have been because I was sitting in a delicious bath of sunlight, or because I seem to be fighting off a cold, but I had to make it official and get in the bed for a nap. So progress on the paper is happening, but slowly.

And I just got an email that a previous paper has been read and I should come by my prof's office hour. Now I am pants-pissingly worried. Oh, well, too late for that now.

Link of the day:

Nancy Pickard offers some tips on rewriting based on using your senses.

I'm sorry I've sort of "disappeared" from around here. I haven't really had much to say because 1) Kee was on a work/holiday hiatus, and 2) I wasn't writing anything myself, either. But now Kee is back, and I--well, I'm not writing, but I AM working.

I am sure that none of you have ever been late with a paper before *cough*, but the later it is, the more you feel like you have to have something really fantastic in hand before you can talk to your instructor about it, and the more pressure you feel to produce something extra super fabulous. (I am sure I read a much better description of this over at Bitch PhD, but I couldn’t find it today despite *cough* too much time spent reading her archives.) When you find yourself in this situation, the only way out of it is to sack up and go talk to your instructor, like I did last week.

Unfortunately, my discussion with her was completely the opposite of extra super fabulous. It was like I was channeling Ralphie at Santa’s workshop in the department store: Paper? What’s a paper?! I may have made a bit of an ass of myself, but what else is new. The look on her face when I was describing my totally un-do-able idea for a paper topic had the same effect as Santa’s elf trying to push Ralphie down the slide after he mumblingly agreed to a football: Ack! I take it back! Except my idea for a do-able topic—one I had a note about on my laptop--didn’t occur to me until I got to the bus stop. Since then, I’ve been going through the literature I already have on hand, trying to ferret out useful information.

I’ve realized 2 things recently that have really helped me wrap my mind around this paper-thing:
1. I had to ask myself: “Why am I doing something I don’t like?” And then I remembered: I *do* like learning! Then why the hell am I acting like it is the worst thing I’ve ever been asked to do?
2. Writing this paper doesn’t mean I have to reinvent the wheel. As a matter of fact, it is a seminar paper, not a master’s thesis; it doesn’t even have to be original. I just have to come up with a question and use the available literature to find a reasonable answer.
With these 2 things squared away, I feel like I’ve made the proper mental adjustments that will let me make some progress.

Next goal: getting an outline of my (hopefully not sucky) new topic to my instructor by the end of next week. (Hannah is out of school this week, which is also the last week of the semester, so I am not going to push my luck by aiming for the end of this week.)

Just a quick check in. Hubby has been hogging the computer lately so I thought I'd post something when I could.

I've been working on my goods and have even managed some new stuff while reviewing. I am almost back to the point where I left off in Dec. When I get to that point, I'll get back to sending my stuff. This afternoon may be a great time for me to get some more work done.

I saw the news where someone's coming to see me in March. I'm sooooooo excited!!!!

The bug has bit my butt.

And I'm rockin' it for all it's worth.

Saturday was a bust around here for all of our plans. We had a sick kid so the b-ball game was a no-go and we were too "contaminated" to be around all the new babies in the family that were congregating before they left for a ski trip. (Yeah, even though we weren't invited, I'm not crying too hard on missing out on a trip with a three year old and two babies under 6 months.)

So with our germ-germy selves we did nada.

And it was such a grand day!! It seems like an open schedule was all that was needed to get motivated to get this book finished ASAP. I was having serious doubts (AGAIN) that I was wasting my time on crap, but NOT NO MO SISTAH!!! I got you guys the letter that I have been working on-so yeah for me for finishing it. And I have been spit polishing the manuscript from the beginning. And, you know what, it's not crap at all.

What's really got me excited is that I didn't have to spend tons of time re-reading it. It just flew by like reading an acutal book. Usually I would get bogged down in fixing things. Since it is going so good and my schedule at work is winding down, I came home early today to work some more. (I actually wanted to call in sick today so I could stay home but figured it would come back to bite me in the butt.)

So I'll update you tonight before I hit the hay to let you know my progress.

I AM a ROCKSTAR!!!

This is probably the best description I have ever read:

I am stunned by the announcement. To say that the news hits me like a football-sized chunk of uranium contained in a safe that has then been placed in an iron-framed grand piano and sent plummeting from the fifteenth floor window of the Institute of High Gravity Studies with a member of sixties hippie combo 'The Mamas and the Papas' tied to each leg (John Phillips having a large quantity of loose change in his pocket) followed by an antelope, a large bag of ball bearings and a parcel marked 'DANGER OF INJURY! Do Not Attempt to Lift This' would be an understatement.

Original post at Private Secret Diary.

As you'll see in the next post, I've started cleaning up the sidebar. It was getting quite cluttered and unwieldy, so it was time to move it somewhere else.

I've started moving the old links over to an archive post that will have a permanent link on the sidebar. I'll probably add a new links section to temporarily highlight additions to the list, but streamlined is the new code-word.

I hope someone besides me finds the links interesting and/or useful.

Links Useful to Writers

I've taken the rather unwieldly list of links from the sidebar and put them here with a little additional info about each one. Unfortunately, I am having trouble grouping these meaningfully, so I'm using the rather imprecise labels "Publishing Stuff", "Writing Stuff", "Romance Stuff", "Fantasy Stuff", "Linky Stuff".

Publishing Stuff

The Knight Agency Blog
The Knight Agency specializes in romance and women's fiction. This blog mainly covers new releases from the agency, not advice, but it's great for the authors they represent.

Miss Snark, the literary agent (archives)
Miss Snark, the anonymous literary agent, dished out advice (with a big side of snark) on the publishing business to clueless newbies. Her selfless and pitiless contribution will not soon be http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifforgotten.
(Kelly McCullough over at the Wyrdsmiths has indexed Miss Snark's blog, to make it easier to find what you are looking for.)

A Kossack's guide to book publishing
Part 1 - Why bad things happen to good books
Part 2 - Avoiding publishing scams
Part 3 - Literary conventions (with an emphasis on SF Conventions)
Part 4 - Book packagers
Part 5 - Submitting a manuscript
Part 6 - Publishing lists
Part 7 - Literary agents
Part 8 - Copyediting
Part 9 - Marketing and publicity
Part 10 - Outlining
Part 11 - Editing
Part 12 - Ideas
Part 13 - Contracts
Part 14 - How Writers Get Paid
Part 15 - Worldbuilding
Leigh Ronald Grossman, under the moniker Swordsmith, is a regular contributor over at Daily Kos, in additional to writing novels and teaching writing and literure. Here he tries to help break down the publishing (and to some extent writing) process into manageable chunks for the unitiated.

The Sobering Sage of Myrtle the Manuscript
Tappan King follows Myrtle the Manuscript along her labyrinthine trip through a publishing house. See what really happens to your baby when you send it out into the world!

Kit Whitfield: The Publisher-Dating Dictionary
A clever phrasebook based on Kit Whitfield’s personal experience as an editor: "Imagine that the editor or agent is a woman standing on her own in a bar. Your letter is a man approaching her with the aim of asking her for a date." She takes the kinds of language found in query letters and "translates" them into the more familiar language of dating.

Marg Gilks: How to Write a Synopsis
Basic information on writing your synopsis.

Dee-Ann Latona LeBlanc: Writing a Synopsis from the Ground Up
More information on writing different types of synopses.

Writing Stuff

Kit Whitfield: The Lexicon
Collected terms to describe some common issues in writing. Sections are titled “Points of Style”, “Scene-Setting”, “Structure”, “Handling Character”, “Series and Sequels”, “Influences”, “Critics and Feedback”, and “Living the Life”.

Debbie Notkin: Varied Ways of Looking at a Manuscript
She talks about various kinds of feedback writers look for, from critiquing to editing.

Short Stories: 10 Tips for Novice Creative Writers

Douglas Clegg’s Journal
“Three Selves, Writing Resistance, and PW”
Douglas Clegg writes about his writing process, and how it always includes a period of internal resistance before he is able to buckle down and put pen to paper.

Megan Lindholm: "How I Became A Famous Writer (A True Story"
Who knew cats could be so insightful?

Confusing Words
"Confusing Words is a collection of 3210 words that are troublesome to readers and writers. Words are grouped according to the way they are most often confused or misused."

Columbia Journalism Review: Language Corner
Resources for English usage.

Marion Zimmer Bradley Literary Works Trust
Various articles on writing, including "Advice to New Writers", "Grammar", "Translations from the Editorial", and "Why Did My Story Get Rejected?"

Romance Stuff

Romancing the Blog
“What if someone put together a group blog where readers, authors, and industry professionals with established blogs of their own came together to discuss topics relevant to today’s romance? And what if it was done out of love for the romance genre and not for the purpose of blatant promotion?”

Charlotte Dillon
"Charlotte Dillon's Resources for Romance Writers"

Maria Zannini: "Creating the Sizzle in Sex"

Jenna Peterson/Jess Michaels: The Passionate Pen
"Welcome to The Passionate Pen, a resource for Romance Writers who are pursuing their dream of publication."

Fantasy Stuff

David J. Parker: "The Fantasy Novelist's Exam"
"We think anybody considering writing a fantasy novel should be required to take this exam first. Answering "yes" to any one question results in failure and means that the prospective novel should be abandoned at once."

Wyrdsmiths
"A weblog for the Twin Cities area speculative fiction writers' group"

Charles Coleman Finlay: the prodigal blog

Elizabeth Bear: they must need bears

Holly Black, No Longer Dry Like a Martini

I'm here. I'm here.

It occurred to me a couple of days ago that I would have felt better about neglecting my writing-and posting-over the holidays if I had just PLANNED not to write. Instead, I ignored the impending doom that the holidays have on my normal schedule and kept thinking I'd get back to it. Then I felt guilty about it and it kept swirling around in my brain and detracting from enjoying the holidays 100%. So it was a lose-lose all because I couldn't face up to the realities that it writing would have to be low on my priorities for a while.

Speaking of, I have made some plans for the new year. And since I have read your last few posts and have lurked over to westexgirl's goodies, I thought it would be appropriate to share. First, I should say I have been hooked on watching BBC's How Clean is Your House and You Are What You Eat. From the food show, I have found some ways to incorporate a more natural and organic way of heating into our lives. I already feel better-which will be great during the next few months.

But the really big plans come from the cleaning show. With my way limited time coming up and the need to plan in me time (i.e. writing time) EVERY day, I knew I couldn't let my house pile up like it did last year. SO here's the plan, with a little background. I am pretty sure some of my procrastination about housework-it eventually gets done when someone calls to say they are coming over-has to do with the IDEA of housework. Like the IDEA that it takes a long time. That's usually what my kids moan when I tell them it's time to clean up. So with them I would set the timer on the stove for like 5 or 10 minutes and tell them they had to clean everything they could in that time. When the timer went off, they were done. It at least got some of it done and the whining stopped.

So my plan for 2008 is based on that. Every day of the week-I have some chore planned-Laundry-Mon & Wed, Picking up clutter in rooms-Tue & Thursday. Some days have two things. And I even planned my grocery shopping as one (because I hate to go-but now I have to go more regular for all the fresh food). The idea on planning the chores is that I know that day I have to do it-BUT it's ALL I HAVE to do. There is no guilt in not doing other things and there is no wondering when I'll get to those other things because they have their own day coming up. Also-nothing gets carried over-example:whatever laundry didn't get done on Monday has to wait until Wednesday. To me it's like the timer method. There's something about it in my head that says 'Just do it because it's only going to take a little bit of effort and then you're done for the day.'

It's only been a few days but it seems to be working so far. And our -even hubby and the boys- attitude about it is MUCH better. The list is up on the fridge and the boys helped make it. It's kinda got an order to it so they know they have to do each day's work. Like we can't do the floors if the clutter wasn't picked up the day before.

I know this was all more than you wanted to know about my life or my inner rationalizations, but I thought it might help you know you're not the only one who can think herself out of doing something.

When I was on a roll writing, some of my best stuff came out when I sat down and knew I ONLY had one hour to get something down to send to you. I usually got the least amount accomplished when I had all day. I had to remind myself that it didn't have to be an hour that resulted in perfect output as long as it was output. It was a very freeing feeling.

Kinda like letting the boys do more and more around the house. No, they won't make their beds or put their clothes in the drawers just like I would. But does it really matter in the long run. They will get better as they do it more.

And I will have more time to send stuff to you!!!

I finished the proofreading (21 pages of double-spaced text and 1 page of works cited), and I would just like to say BLARGH! before I turn it in.

I am thinking of updating/streamlining the links, so let me know if there is anything you'd like me to add or toss, Kee, and I'll get to work on it.

I have't got much reading done on my paper, mostly because of the proofreading, but also because I didn't feel like it yesterday, but today I am feeling more alert and spry, so I'll give it another go.

A couple of stories have started stirring around in the back of my head, not enought to capture on paper, but just enough to remind me that they're there. I don't really have the time to deal with that right now, so I guess I'll just ignore them for the time being, but it makes me kind of sad to do that. On the other hand, trying to work on them will just distract me from the stuff I *need* to be doing, so back into the broom closet they go.

I was hoping to have something from Kee by now *HINT HINT*, but I guess I will just have to be patient for another day or 2. But THEN I will be impatient, and I will start making snide remarks here and elsewhere... You have been warned, Kee. :-)

I have realized that I need to change the way I look at how I use my time. I have a nasty habit of looking at the clock and thinking, "Hmm, I have to leave in 3 hours, and that will just fly by, so what's the point of trying to do anything in such a short time."

That is bad.

I am a wife, mother, student, employee, and person, and my life is splintered into "small" chunks of time. I can't do much about that. But I *can* change the way I think about it. I need to look at my chunks of free time and say, "This is what I need to work on. I might not be able to finish the whole thing, but I bet I can do a lot."

I guess I could call this a resolution, but it is an ongoing problem that I have been thinking about for a while.

Yesterday I got up and read a chapter for my paper, proofread 7 pages of an article for a professor, and studied German. I know I could have gotten more reading or proofreading in, but another bad habit I need to deep-six is resting on my laurels when I accomplish anything. I lose my momentum and have to work myself back up to actually doing anything, and then I congratulate myself by doing nothing, and then it is a vicious cycle that prevents me from finishing anything.

So, baby steps, Nee. Step 1: finish this up and get back to proofreading.

Kee, send me something, even if it is only notes.

I talked to Kee yesterday, and she promised me that her New Year's resolution is to finish her novel, come hell or high water. I know she has it in her, so it is just a matter of getting back in the habit of sitting down at the computer and putting words on the screen, which sounds way easier than it actually is, especially when you come from a long line of procrastinators like us.*

And I am determined to finish my paper. This morning I got up early (for vacation) and read through the first chapter of a book on the linguistics of space. I have a lot more to read, but so far I have just been copying and collecting articles and chapters. I bought a new binder yesterday for my materials, and to get in, the article has to be read. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress, because that is the only thing that might help me keep my nose to the grindstone.

Well, not the only thing, because John bought me this lovely little laptop for xmas:



I am still getting the feel of it, but I loaded the software from our internet provider, so I can at least get online with it if needed. But I don't plan on doing more than uploading my blog posts from here. The laptop hadn't come in yet on xmas, so John gave me a card with an evil xmas squirrel on the front and a picture of the laptop on the inside, and then he told me that he thought I could use it, what with all my writing projects.
Subtext = Get off your ass and get to work.
Except John is too sweet to put it like that, even if that is what it comes down to. But I don't plan on letting him down, so full steam ahead, and all that!

*My father once bought a car when I was 13?14? to fix up for me to drive when I got my license, and it had to be towed to the house he moved to when I was already married.

As much as I would like to whine and bitch and moan, it would be very unbecoming of me. I promised Kee a while back that I'd put up a link to a blog post by Elizabeth Bear, detailing her workload for a two-year period.

"My to-do list for the next two years, not counting CEMs, galleys, editorial rewrites, reading about a hundred books, and other unpredictable thingies...."

A frightening list that adds up to roughly half-a-million words.

She also writes non-fiction in the form of magazine articles and is a prodigious blogger. Writing is now her full-time job.

Here's a little place-warmer:

"The great thing about reading books is that it makes us better than cats. Cats are said to have nine lives. What is that compared to the girl, boy, man, woman who reads books? A book read is a life added to one’s own. So it takes only nine books to make cats look at you with envy." (Yann Martel)

I am working on a presentation to give on Thursday, and I've written three different introductions, and they all still sound like suck. I am gradually sliding into apathy, which is not good since I just crawled out of it this morning.

With that said, I just wanted to give all 2 of you a heads up that I am officially withdrawing from the Internet (including email) during the week. I have written in my journal, in large, unmissible letters, that I am no longer allowed on the Internet without a to-do list. I just can't be trusted not to piss away my time reading about the relative lameness of the various Olympic mascots.

If you desperately need me in the meantime, cc John so he'll pass on the message, or call me.

Oh, poor little neglected blog. Kee has been dutifully plugging away on her writing, and I have just been scraping along on everything else. My paper is still in the planning/reading phase, not actually the writing phase yet, but I am making (very slow) progress. As John pointed out, I can't actually apply to take my exams/write my thesis until I get this behind me, so it is now a top priority. Except for this stupid class I'm teaching. It is getting hard to get excited about it since half the original students have dropped, and the technology craps on me. every. single. week. Bleah!

(Inspiring stuff, no?)

Well, it's been a SUPER busy weekend. In fact, it was so crazy that W made himself sick, literally. Too much football + too much friends + too much fun=too much fever. So I didn't get to work on much Sunday night and then he stayed home today and with juggling trying to work some at the office (thanks shortened work week due to Thanksgiving)and worrying that he was running another fever, I am just now sitting down to work on my writing.

And I forsee a small installment. I kinda just want to zip through this part because the next two parts are AWESOME, says me, but I know that my critics will not let me slide on sloppy work. So I guess I need to just get to it.

At least I am not trying to teach a bunch of people how to use power point.

Take 3 (flash fiction):
Frosty bided his time, waiting for the last item to complete his transformation, but was dismayed that it would take the form of an old top hat.

Let's see:

My teaching went a lot better yesterday than 2 weeks ago. *falls to knees weeping and thanking the 7 Dwarfs* Next week's class should be pretty fun--teaching them how to use PowerPoint--so there is not quite as much stress when I think about preparing for it.

My presentation today went ok, I guess. I didn't feel like I made a complete ass of myself, and my teacher didn't grimace or write a lot of notes while I spoke, so I consider that a success.

With all the prep for just those two things, I have hardly had a free minute for myself, so I am spending a little time this afternoon seeing to my babies (blog 1 and blog 2). *g*

Also, I am experimenting with a form of flash fiction, since I hardly have time to write anything, much less think up something story-length. Here is my first, and somewhat lame, stab at it:

The children thought the magic was in the old silk hat, but Frosty knew the act of completion was the magic. He was one hat away from resurrection and revenge.
(30 words)

Take 2:

Frosty bided his time, waiting for the last item to complete his transformation. Not a silk top hat!
(18 words)

I think I like the second one better. And now I am GOING TO READ FOR MY PAPER! (Yes, that is an event that must be expressed in all-caps.)

Kee, I'll probably tackle your Monday and Wednesday work both tomorrow. Carry on!

I am fixing to start writing for the day. I checked in here first to see if any interesting tidbits have been left by my interesting Nee. Alas, there is nothing but an old post. Granted, I probably should have left a post before now, but I am a busy woman.

Let's just hear how busy I am. It's 8:26. I know that at 11:30 I have a hair appointment (a re-shaping on a haircut that is only two weeks old because everyone, except my college buddy, says I look sooo young and said buddy said it made me look like a mom-and she made it sound like a four-letter word. Oh, and I am getting 'subtle' highlights, well, cause my hairdresser talked me into it and I want to). I will have to drive 15 minutes to get there, spend 20 minutes changing clothes (because I just threw on workout clothes-minus a bra-to take the kids to school) and putting on make-up because I have to go in to *work* after (because I can't get crap done around there cause they can't keep their computers and software in working order which sucks cause they are a 'paperless' office-which means they do everything electronically-well, if their software worked.)

SOOOO...I have, at the latest, until 10:55 to accomplish whatever it is I think I can get done this morning. Which might be all the writing I get done before 9 tonight when I will attempt to try some more if I don't fall asleep at the computer-which I did last night.

Okay knowing all of this, that my time-on my day off!-is limited-what have I done to get hard at work.

1. Take the boys to school-do it everyday-not really a procrastination.
2. Start a load of laundry. Needed to do it-R had an accident. But that means at some point I will have to stop and put it in the dryer and that means taking the stuff that is currently living there out and finding it, and the rest of the stuff on my laundry room counter, a home.
3. I have checked MSN homepage-cause something really important might have happened in the gossip world of movie stars that might effect me personally.
4. I have checked 3 of my regular blog sites to find if there is anything there that is more interesting than my life-not hard to do. But like I said, one was void of the interesting tidbit. One had a post I had already seen when I checked before-during-the time I fell asleep at the computer last night. One made me laugh, think, and to offer here my excellent, I am told, handyman skills and ability to take instructions to anyone out there who might need an extra set of hands and encouraging presence to complete, oh I don't know, some project of some kind that might be related to finally completing something that has been lurking in the remodeling-I-want-to-do-someday category (I've lived half-my life in that category so I know it well). You know I do have *two* days off a week. (Supposed to have anyway.)
5. I have made myself a cup of tea.
6. I have eaten my organic whole wheat flaxseed waffle.
7. I have written this post.
8. I still have no idea how to proceed with my next section and am afraid of screwing up the direction I am not really sure I am in anymore.

It is now 8:55.

So... after taking a week off, Kee has got right back in the writing fray with new/revised materials this week. She kept up with her goal of working on Monday and Wednesday, and she was even able to step outside her safety zone and ask for help. I must say, she is progressing nicely.

I have a lot to do, and am getting a lot done, but it is going to take a while to get the pile completely whacked. There hasn't really been time for creative writing, but I know it is still bubbling away in my brain, because ideas rise to the surface when my brain is not otherwise occupied, such as in the shower or walking to class. Maybe some day I'll have time to capture a few ideas on paper, but I'm not getting too antsy about it yet.

I'm not sure I want to teach again next semester. It takes so much time to prepare, and I will be writing my thesis and studying for my exams. But then again, it occurred to me that I have already done all the work, and if I can offer the same topic, the bulk of the preparation will already be done. I'll wait and see if I get asked back.

Here's my to-do list for this semester, not including for the class I am teaching:
write 1 paper (still overdue from last semester :-0)
give 2 presentations
do a write-up of 1 90-minute class
find an advisor for my thesis
start brain-storming exam topics

Ok, now I will stop before my brain explodes. I am trying to keep my paper list limited to the most pressing items, just to prevent myself from going mad. It may be unavoidable. ;-P

I never intended to be an absentee parent to this blog, so I guess I ought to start contributing my share to the work around here. (Don't feel bad, little writing blog, I've been neglecting my other blogs, too.)

I've mostly been working recently and trying to (and managing to!) keep up with my classes. I edited a 10-page paper--for money!--and have another 14 pages waiting for me. I would quit school in a heartbeat if I could find a full-time editing gig, but since that's probably not going to fall into my lap (despite the mini-jobs that keep popping up fortuitously), I guess I should just be satisfied with the occasional work in the field.

Teaching didn't go so well last week. I thought I was prepared, but everything just fell flat. That means I am working extra hard this weekend to get next week's tutoring and teaching set up.

I have managed to keep up with reading for my classes--it didn't hurt that one teacher was out sick last week--but I have some assignments due soon that I need to get to work on.

I was mentioning on my other blog the bad mood I've been in, and how Friday was the low-point. Oddly enough, Friday was also the day I had a new idea about my Godred story that I think is going to mean an improvement. I've had all the bits of the story floating around in my head, but I hadn't really gotten them nailed down in the right order. I think I finally have a handle on that with this new idea. I haven't written much on it, but words were put on paper, so I will take what I have and run with it.

Back to class-prep for next week.

I thought I better post something. It's been a rough week around here, real life and writing life too. I had wanted to have lots more done but, alas, have not been able to produce anything to speak of.

But since my seestor has advised me not to worry about said lack of work, I will take that and run with it. Hopefully, I can manage to weed out my thoughts and put some useful stuff on paper next week. But until then, well, I'm not expecting any miracles.

By the way, I'm off to the land of shopping. If you've been good little boys and girls, maybe Santa will visit you.

I haven't stopped by the last couple of times I have sent in work. Mostly because I have been so cross eyed after that I go straight to bed. But since the laundry will take a few more minutes before I can switch it, here I am.

I have worked daily since my last report on the block of work I sent in tonight. I kept thinking I'd get to the end and it kept growing. What I like so much about what I am doing with the story is that it seems I've gotten back to the characters that have been living in my head. I think I got away from them in an effort to "improve" it. Now it's like-Hey. Don't write it like that. That's not how I sound. Write it this way.--And out it pops. Well sometimes there is more fretting than that, usually over deleting a good line because it doesn't fit anymore. But in the end I give up and hit the delete key thinking-if this is what they want, this is what they get. And I think it's turned out well so far.

I really think I'd be okay if it never got published. It's something I can be proud of regardless.

At least the first 59 pages.

Ok, this is totally not writing-related, but I wanted to just rub it in that I have already bought AND WRAPPED my first xmas presents. Ha ha! I pwn'ed you, Kee! I'm the xmas-master now! BWA HA HA!

Back to my onion soup cookery.

Whew! I made it through my first class (the first session of the class I am teaching, that is) without crashing and burning. Yay, me! Still, it felt weird to see a person who attended class with me 2 semesters ago attending a class I am now teaching.

I spent a little time messing around with my Cinderella story, but it still feels off, so I am letting it stew a bit. Otherwise I have been trying to tidy up my travel blog, stop neglecting my regular blog, and whip together a final syllabus for the class I am teaching, in addition to a number of other little, householdy things.

The back-burner paper is slowly inching up toward a front burner--at least it is back in the kitchen. :-)

Kee sent me her Monday work, with the comment, "I had to make myself spend an hour working on this tonight even though I wanted to go to bed for a week." But she made it to the end of Chapter 3, forced or not. Yay, Kee! Sticking to it is what makes you a writer, not a "want-er".

John kindly pointed out that there were a few places in my Rapunzel story that could use a little smoothing out, but I don't think I'm going to mess with it for now. But, he was also a little unsure about the ending, and I was already thinking I had let a bit of useful information fall through the cracks there, so I went back and revised just a tiny bit of the end.

About the actual production of my story[1]: I sat down and wrote 7 pages long-hand, about 1000 words, before lunch. Then I took a shower and started typing it up. I sat and typed until 4, when I posted it here. Somehow, I feel more positive about the bit I pounded out by hand than the bit I typed as I went. Composing the story didn't actually go any faster once I was typing, but that might be because I had more specific ideas about how the first part went. Well, no, it all seemed to be the same level of specificity at first, and I fleshed it out as I went along. Maybe it was just the further you get into writing the story, the more that has to conform to what came earlier.

One thing I noticed was that there was a *lot* more narrative in this story and a *lot* less dialogue than is my usual m.o., but even after re-reading it several times, it doesn't feel too "tell-y", at least not to me.

Anyhoo, one thing I realized when I was done: Kee's Mondays and Wednesdays are probably going a lot differently than I had been imagining (even though I also "write"). In Nee's little fantasy world, Kee was dropping her kids off at school, exercising at the Y, going home, and writing until lunch or her kids got home from school. To be managing the kind of output she has sent me the last few times, she has got to be spending the whole day (after her first two errands) in front of the computer. You would think her notes that she was falling asleep at the computer or was stopping just to go to bed would have clued me in, but I am notoriously dense. *g* So Kee gets an extra dose of respect for sticking to it!

An unexpected side effect of all that writing was that it seemed to prime the pump for me working on other things I had been putting off, like preparing for the class I'll be teaching this fall. (Of course, I can't use the phrase "prime the pump" around John anymore because he willfully misunderstands me and offers to help. *g*) The effect has even lasted to this morning; I have been crossing stuff off my to-do lists like a crazy, list-doing mofo. Isn't it weird that working hard makes you want to work hard, or is it just me?

[1] I hope this whole post doesn't come off like a mom retelling the story of her labor and delivery at every possible opportunity, and her kid is 10 years old. *ahem* Although this blog is kind of the most appropriate place for that kind of self-referential, one-sided conversation.

This post is probably going to come out of left field, but here goes. I want to write, and I enjoy writing, but I don't think I'm ever going to be a "writer" with a capital W. For one thing, the things I want to write... I don't think people really want to pay to read. But it turns out that I am ok with that. So this morning, I was cleaning the bathroom, and my brain took Rapunzel and squeezed it through the Nee-O-Matic and came up with the following. I have been writing on it almost straight through since about 9:15 this morning and have 2449 words I am not ashamed to call my own. Damn! I didn't think of a title. Oh, well.

***
[removed 10.10.09]

I have fallen asleep twice on the computer so I am giving in for the night. I have sent my goods and feel great at where I am at in the process.

I'll be back Wed night.

I have had such great support from my accountability partners even though there is a lot going on in their own lives.

I hope I have done them proud by sending them a huge chunk of work tonight. If I keep up that same amount each time, I estimate that I should be done in 15 weeks. Ugh.

Hopefully, it won't take that long.

But then again, I haven't gotten so far on my own in the last 4 years!

Thanks ladies!

Just checking in to say I got Kee's work from yesterday, and the squirrels are all safely back in their cages.

I have been trying to finish up blogging our Scotland trip and a few odds and ends, but otherwise I have been a slug. *bleargh*

I didn't especially feel like writing today. But I made myself sit down and do it anyway because two people are expecting to get some new stuff from me.

It turned out to be one of the most productive days I have had in a long time. The word count was high, the ideas flowed, transitions were good, and the symmetry was there. And best of all, I don't feel like I have to go back and fix a bunch of stuff.

I just hope that this really is so much better than my first bloody attempts at putting pen to paper.

I think Nee's right.

Too much feedback at this point probably would slow me down, too Because I'm just like her--I want to get it all down on paper as soon as I can.

And her feedback is always so inspiring that I will sit and ponder it, how to add it in, how to make what I've got work with the new stuff, then it takes me longer to keep going.

And, too, from one writing session (in which I think "No more changes on that part") to the next session, I'll have thought of a few tweaks that need to be made. So I know it's hard to be going back over and over analyzing it for me.

I just need an attack of the squirrels if I fall behind my schedule. From Nee or westexgirl.

I sent my thoughts on LNR as more of an attack on the squirrels as much as anything else. I wanted her to know I was happy to get the goods and wanting to see more. And I know she is swamped with life, so any writing right now is a bonus. Just put my comments aside and then pull them out when you've got to where you want to be then it'll be like "Oh, what was Kee thinking. None of this works with what I have now!"

Then you can have a laugh about it with your publisher. hee hee hee

So far so good on the writing front. Kee has been sticking to her Monday/Wednesday schedule and getting the words out. I have been writing more sporadically, but there have been words, so I consider that progress.

Kee has just sent me some excellent feedback on LNR, but that got me to thinking about our email exchange. Back when I started busting Kee's chops about sending me her work, I don't think I pictured our exchange as a mini-critique group, at least not yet. I was worried that dealing with critiques would be a ready-made excuse for dithering and not writing. So while I appreciate the feedback, Kee, you don't have to bother with it yet if you don't feel like it. For my part, I just want to get the story down on paper to a level I am satisfied with before sending it out into the cruel world; right now, sending LNR to you is an accountability thing for me. So I am going to file away the email you sent me and pull it out when I get to the end of LNR.

But that doesn't mean you have to do it my way, Kee. If you are hoping for more feedback on your end, just let me know.

And now I am off to avoid my paper some more.

I had 20 minutes to kill at the end of my office hour this morning, so I worked on polishing up what I already had on Late Night Radio and sent it off to Kee. I've written up two long-ish blog posts over the last two days, so this is really quite a bit of writing for me. The Vale story is offering up bits, too, so maybe I'll work on that until Avatar comes on.

I'm rockin' and rollin' and what not.

I think what I sent tonight will be the end of the first part. It's only six pages, but I don't think I want to label it as a prologue even though there will be a lapse in time frame. I think I can transition it okay without a funny header that says..." and six weeks later." I think that's the cheesy way out.

I might change my mind though once I try to actually do it. So I might actually be done with a Chapter One.

But let's not hold our breaths just yet.

Just a quick check-in.

Kee sent me her work for Monday. I expect to see her work for today, Wednesday, in my inbox tomorrow (thanks to a 7-hour time difference). That means no goofing off and no excuses!

I started typing up my Vale story but realized I needed to flesh it out, etc., so the amount typed doesn't match my handwritten first draft. I often find myself editing as I type, but it doesn't bother me.

I've also been revising LNR and am pleased with the results so far. Maybe someday I'll be satisfied enough to stop changing things, but I'm afraid I'm probably a long way from there.

I still have this paper hanging over my head, but I'm not panicking yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Ladies, I need you. Like just a "Yeah, I got your goods. If you fail to send me your next installment, I will send a crate of rabid squirrels to attack you." Eh, something along those lines. Just to let me know I can't goof off. And I have REALLY been wanting to. I am such a woosy.

I am pooped. Going to bed but wanted to let you know I did send in my work.

It's always easier in theory than when I actually sit down to do it.

Sorry for the lack of posting. I've had the blahs lately, and sometimes you just have to wallow in that for a while.

Kee has been very good about sticking to her writing schedule and then sending on the results to WesTexGirl and me. I sent her a few ideas re: "where do I go from here" via email, so I hope she is mulling over her next step for the next writing day.

I only managed to keep up with her one writing day out of two, but the volume was lower. Now I'm at the step of "what next"; my brain reacts to that by thinking about other stories on the back burner, so I drug one out (actually, scooped it off the floor next to my bed) to type up and send off. We'll see if it is as good as I thought when I wrote it. *g*

I still have a paper to write (the shame!), but I went back to a similar paper I wrote in the English department, and it totally didn't suck! Yay me! I still don't know how I'm going to parlay it into a paper in German, but I'm still thinking about it--a lot for someone who is in avoidance mode.

John is off on a wine-tasting tour, and Hannah is at a slumber party, so maybe I will use this afternoon to do something resembling work, and goof off this evening with some deliciously bad videos that John will never watch with me. *where's that copy of Crybaby?*

I have been a good girl and posted my stuff to my seestor and westexgirl. I surprised myself with sticking with it today. I ended up losing the train of thought I had on the treadmill by the time I got home (must not have been that good anyway) and I seemed to get stuck after a couple of lines. I bet I re-wrote that part 10 times. But I kept at it and really liked what I ended up with (which was more than I thought I would get done today). I kinda completed my opening thoughts and have some symmetry there I like. Now it will just be figuring out what's supposed to go next!!!

I got a little work done today. Not much, but enough to satisfy myself (and others, I hope) that I am sticking to my goals. I did have some thoughts about goofing off, but, alas, did not follow through with it.

Instead, I went to the gym, did my concentrated thinking on the treadmill, and then delivered Ma her chocolate. (Which she said has made a big diff in her cholesterol-according to the doc report this week.) Then, when I got home I pulled out the goodies from my walk and added it in.

It kinda is more at this point than what I had planned on putting at the beginning when I decided to go this angle, but I think it works. I was glad to see you put in words from my last report what I had been able to convey so far. It was kinda how I was thinking about it up to that point, too. It's strange how much more I felt I was able to convey in such a short amount of actual words than before. I felt I had improved from being able to set up a physical scene to conveying some background emotions and character traits.

One thing to note. I have deliberately not told his name at this point. I'm still waiting to see where I will put it. Maybe I'll know Wednesday.

I am going to tweek a bit and then send it off. Goodnight.

Kee sent her Wednesday writing to me and WesTexGirl as promised, and I even managed to send something back to her. I worked on it a little more last night, and tweaked a couple of things and thought about how it fits together this morning.

It would help if my brain wasn't so fried from getting up at the crack of dawn to put Hannah on the bus at 6:57 am, and then running errands all over town for half or more of the day. Since Wednesday, I have walked slightly more than 7 miles. As you can imagine, by 4 pm I am frizzle-fried.

I still have my paper to write, but this afternoon I will working on the research end of it. Wish me luck!

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish
something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will
pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to
the best possible use.
- Earl Nightingale, 1921 - 1989

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln, 1809 - 1865

It's amazing how much smoother this round of writing is going. I am not having to struggle with each word to get my point across. And then when I reread it later, it still sounds good to me. Before I would have to go back and keep changing it because what was in my head wasn't what was on the page. Maybe it's all the oxygen I have been getting from my walking. I think the concentrated thinking time has helped as well. I can work through a little bit and then I am ready to sit down and type it up.

We'll see if the trend continues. I have posted to Nee and westexgirl so I am off to bed.

Open letter to Kee:

I am very proud of you for looking at your responsibilities and deciding to add writing to the list. It doesn't actually matter to me how often you write, just that you have made a conscious decision to include it in your weekly schedule.

And I don't think you can compare getting in the writing habit to making your bed--I only pull the covers over my pillow to keep the cats off it.*g* Menial habits are not in the same category as putting writing on your list of priorities.

I myself need to devote my time this month to a paper due October 1. I hope to fit in some creative writing around it, but it just depends on how fried my brain is after reading about linguistics and writing in German each day. To that end, I have spent the afternoon (Hannah's first day of afternoon classes) reading and taking notes and trying to figure out what exactly it is I want to do and how to go about it. I already had an idea, so at least I wasn't starting from the very beginning. So I will try to send you any creative writing I squeeze out; I'll post here about the progress of my paper.

But I'll be looking in my inbox first thing Thursday morning for tomorrow's output. *glare* :-)

While I have been considering sending stuff to westexgirl, I keep harping on a few home truths. Well, I've already admitted in the past that I am selfish. Not intentionally, but certainly more than my fair share. And since acknowledging it, I really have tried on most all levels of my life to address it and make changes to be less selfish. And more aware of others selfless generosity.

The other thing I have come to realize is that I am lazy. As in I don't like to do more than I have to--which is a symptom of selfishness, right? And as in I don't seem to be good at repetitive, continual things. I have a hard time sticking to routines, as do the laundry every Monday, dust every Friday, exercise twice a week. My dirty house and out of shape body are testaments to both.

And when I reread this, the not sticking to routines strikes me as odd. It really is true that I suck at them. You'd think I'd like them and crave them since I hate change. I hate it when they change up the produce section at the grocery store. I hate it when there is something at school that I have to go to that I've never done before. I hate it when they change the tax law and I have to learn a new way of doing it. I hate it when the kids start a new sport and I don't know whose team we are going to be on or the other moms or the rules of the game.

So why can't I stick to something like always doing laundry on the same day. It's sad to say that I have just now gotten in the habit of making my bed every morning. I know that's pitiful, but it IS hard to make it when hubby is still sleeping in it when I get up. And since he's been gone most of the summer, I have gotten to enjoy the sense of completion in doing it every day.

Anyway. I think I want to send Nee and westexgirl both my writing progress. I think it can only be good, if not a little intimidating. BUT I am going to be realistic. I don't think I have it in me to promise to work everyday. For one, I still work part-time, read a book a day, have football practice three hours a week, a child who will be the death of me before he learns his multiplication tables, a promise made to my best friends to workout at the Y at least twice a week (or they will refuse to let me go power shopping with them anymore because I can't keep up after an hour), a tax return on extension that needs to be done in the next month or the IRS will come looking for me, and a problem focusing on accounting and writing at the exact same time.

With that said, I promise to work on my writing on my days off-Monday and Wednesday.
I will send my progress to you both before I go to bed on those days. I probably won't look at any comments until the next day off-unless I work some over a weekend. I hope this doesn't seem like too little. I think it's something realistic for me and it will be more than what I've been doing lately.

Now that Kee is done with her "woe is me" posturing of 2 posts ago
;-p, I thought I would chime in with the results of day 1:
Kee 1
Nee 1

We both had something to send to each other, even if it was leftovers in Kee's case *cough, cough* and notes in mine. I accepted hers in the spirit of it being a run-up to more new words. No more slack will be cut. *stern glare*

That means me, too. Hannah started school today, and I didn't get home from all the post-school shopping until 4, but I fully intend to go upstairs and put words on paper while she watches Flushed and Away (or whatever it's called).

Regarding Kee's last post, I have been thinking that a writing group is really the next stage for her, but they can be brutal (intentionally or not) to the psyche of a relative novice, so my thumb-screw technique was dreamed up as a sort of warm-up to chastising her into letting non-relatives (and non-friend-almost-relatives) read her work and comment on it. Letting WesTexGirl take a look is a good in-between step, terrifying as it might be.

Now on to the hot cocoa and writing!

Okay, westexgirl's comments are right on. I know that even when we are demanding great things out of each other we are still not as fierce as we would be with others. And we're not as intimidated (sorry Nee, I stopped being afraid of you when I passed you up with 4 inches to spare) at the thought of failing each other's expectations as we would be from others. (Which I think is a great thing in sisterhood! But maybe it's not so good in writing.)

But all that aside, the idea to take westexgirl up on her offer scares me witless. And it's for all those same reasons why it's such a good idea.

I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But I'm truly going to consider doing it. I am interested in what Nee thinks about it, too. Needless to say that I really do want a kick in the pants to get this book complete and I truly appreciate Nee's and westexgirl's help in doing so.

Just like my big seestor. I start whinin' about my writing and she comes up with a way to torment me. And she goes above and beyond by putting her own feet to the fire as well.

So she wants pages. She'll get pages. Then she'll see what a real sorry writer I am. She'll give up all hope that I can make something out of this damn book and she'll start sending me emails like-"How to make $100,000 a year from home by stuffing envelopes." because she knows I'll never make it writing books.

But if I didn't have her to poke and prod, to torment and torture, me, then I wouldn't be writing at all.

Here are a few sayings I would like to submit for your edification, some of which have already appeared here as „inspirational quotes“:

“There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.”
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard, 1813 – 1855

Neil Gaiman on writing: "This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard."

"A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit."
Richard Bach, author (1936-)

(My translation of a quote from a book of German word-search puzzles:)
Luck is one half of life and discipline is the other, decisive half, because luck won’t get you far without discipline.
(I think you could reword this to apply to writing, too:)
Talent is one half of writing and discipline is the other half, the more important half, because talent won’t get you far as a writer without discipline.

“You’ll be good at what you do every day.”
-John’s mom


I came up with these after my conversation yesterday with Kee. We have both been feeling uncertain about our writing lately, wondering whether we have what it takes, or why we feel so strongly about doing something that makes us kind of crazy sometimes. We will both admit that we are happy in our lives right now, and yet we are striving after something that doesn’t always make us happy. Writing is like our crack: we can’t see it doing us much good, but we can’t give it up.

With that being said, I don’t think we have turned the corner yet; we haven’t yet given ourselves completely over to this task of turning out stories we can be proud of. Maybe I am putting words in Kee’s mouth; she can call me on it if I am. It just seemed to me that all of the above quotes are especially applicable to our current situation.

Kee said something interesting, that she has support from friends and family coming out the whazoo (perhaps not that crudely stated *g*), and yet it is still hard for her to put fingers to keyboard. It made me think that support can’t be the only thing you (generic and specific) need to be successful at something; maybe you also need accountability. Maybe I do, too. So here is what I propose: every day, you email me your daily pages, and I will send you mine. I don’t care if it is notes, rough draft, thinking aloud—whatever. I won’t actually read it unless you want me to, but I will see that you did something. No counting words or pages, no breaking it down the way we did when we started this blog, just raw output.

I know that you are a smart, creative woman, Kee, and I know that you can do this. Your novel has characters that people can care about, that people who have read your work *do* care about, and I know that you can work hard when you put your mind to it (remember that screen door?). So now I am going to put your feet to the fire. Let me see what you can do.

And if you don’t I will taunt you in this public forum, because I am your big sister. And if you still don’t, I will taunt you a second time. Feel free to return the favor.

I too am a genius. At least that's what I tell everybody. And I do stress out thinking how many people must think I am a complete wanker by writing a bunch of stuff that is total crap.

So I can exactly see your point.

Half the time I talk myself out of writing. At first I thought that writing didn't take a lot of time. Or I should say, writing a complete thought. But it's work. And sometimes I get to the point that I don't know where I am supposed to end up with my complete thought. So what do I do. Not start doing it at all.

Then I read something that I could mark to death with a red pen. And I think, "How did that crap get published?"

Maybe it's time for my crap.

Have you ever heard this saying?

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

I have started to associate this saying recently with my writing, or rather, my lack of writing. I guess the cowardly writer version might go, “It is better to write nothing and think you are a genius than to write something and prove you’re not.” *wry grin*

It took me a couple of days to work myself up to rereading “Late Night Radio”, and I found that it was not as bad as I feared, but not as good as I had hoped. It is the most complete story in my big box o’ stories right now, and I think it could really be good, but I let self-doubt stand in my way too often to get any momentum on it.

But instead of sitting here moaning and groaning about it, I am going to force myself to go upstairs *right now* and work on it. Sayonara!

Okay, the tickle is getting to me.

I think I have decided on a plan of action. I'm going to start with the last version I sent to my editor contact. From that I will add the plot elements that she wanted. But try to keep it in the same voice as the original work. Comparing the earlier versions to the recent stuff, the voice is what seems to be the biggest contrast.

Yeah, it seems I screwed up the one thing the editor really told me she liked.

That's the plan. We'll see how much I get done over the holiday weekend. I hope a lot, but honey-do came home this weekend.

Call if you miss me!!!

Yay! Kee's back!

Don't be all green-eyed about our vacation... Think about it this way, we went to a neighboring country, just like you all went to a neighboring state. And we had to pay 1-1/2 times the cost of stuff at home, thanks to the exchange rate. :-( But we made it home with money still in the bank, which we'll need to pay the credit card bill plus car repair we've been putting off. So we'll be broke soon, too.

Anyhoo, speaking of vacation, I didn't think I'd put a link to my travel blog around this site, so here it is:Nee On The Road. I've only got the first three days up, but I'll be plugging away at it until the photos from all 8 days are labeled (I think that's around 500 photos!) and loaded on Flickr.

Enjoy!

Yeah, yeah. I'm here.

But not too much to report. MY vacation was awesome as well. Though Nee had the audacity to blow my Colorado trip out of the water with a trip to Scotland. See the little green eyed monster in the corner. Yeah, that's me.

But I still had a great time. The weather was great and I spent money like it was going out of style. Which of course, I'll be paying for until I have grandkids, but at least I didn't have to make one meal for myself.

Anyways, the writing tickle is still there. Stewing in its juices, as it were. But I haven't had the opportunity to tackle the tickle yet. But this is the FIRST day of school. Whohoo! So we'll see what my writing schedule will look like in the next couple of weeks!

Glad all are back to their respective homes safe and sound!

Here's a bit of word-processing related humor:

Less Popular Fonts Lash Out at Times New Roman

We're back from Scotland. Unfortunately, we were on the move so much that I hardly had time to think, much less write, so nothing new there. I have one last set of proofs to take care of when they come in, and a paper to finish before October 1. I am hoping to squeeze some creative writing in, especially when Hannah goes back to school in 2 or 3 weeks, but I'll just have to see how it all sorts itself out.

But at least I am back in my own bed, and driving on the right side of the road again!

So we're off to Scotland this afternoon. I'm taking along pen and paper, in case inspiration strikes me, or I run out of reading material for bedtime.

Kee is still around, but she's trying to get caught up on a few things while her boys are out of the house, then she'll be on vacation, then school starts back, so we may not hear from her for a while, but I hope she'll check in with to tell us about that writing tickle she had the other day when I talked to her on the phone.

I'll be back in about 10 days!

I haven't written every day, but I have been plugging away on my Vale story using my initial MO--headphones and a chunk of uninterrupted time. I managed to squeeze in about an hour one morning by letting Hannah sleep in, and another hour or so one evening by leaving John in charge and heading upstairs. After the initial flood of words, I've been averaging a handwritten page per session, but I haven't been going back to read, not yet. I think I know where I need to add something, but it is right where I left off last time, so I'll just go back a sentence or two and squeeze it in.

I'm a little worried that my story will seem unoriginal in the end, but I still know which direction I am headed, so I will worry about the final product after I write "The End."

I am also in the middle of proofs for the journal I am proofreading. I'm still waiting for the last article to come in, then I will be done with that duty until the next edition comes out in 5 or 6 months.

And to round out my days, I finally got around to sorting out the giant box of stuff Hannah dragged home around the end of school and have now turned toward whipping her room in shape. Rome wasn't built in a day, and I don't plan on working myself to death to get it done, so it is going to take a while. I hope I am done before we leave for Scotland in a week, though.

I'm managing to keep pretty busy for someone on vacation.

Success!

It was 8pm before I could sit down and start writing, but I put on my headphones, cranked up the Cranberries on repeat, and wrote 4 pages on Vale. I think the music distracted the part of my brain that wanted to come up with excuses or distractions. No, really. I did the same thing while writing my term paper back in April.

I would really like to make a habit of writing, and maybe after Hannah sends herself off to bed at night would be the time for me to lock myself in the sunroom and work. I'm not really a night owl, but I can sleep in most days now that we are on vacation, so staying up later shouldn't put too much of a kink in my schedule.

Speaking of kinks, I woke up with a horrible crick in my neck. I can turn my head to the left if I lead with my chin, but I can't tilt my head to the left. This after 4 hours with a hot wattle bottle this morning. I had to postpone my tutoring until tomorrow. Now I'm off for some lunch--cereal!--and some more hot wattle bottle time in the cozy chair.

It's 5:20 pm, and what have I accomplished today?

planned: wash dishes, defrost freezer (which always takes longer than I plan--3 hours)

unplanned: host playdate (cut short by Hannah going to friend's house because I was not letting them play with *hot candle wax*)

writing-avoidance: Internet *groan*, Sudoku

That Vale story is still stirring around, but I just can't seem to make myself put words to paper. What sucks is that I know how it is supposed to go; I even know how the end connects back to the beginning, the perfect circle of the short story. I know that for Godred, too, although I seem to have a few gaps in the middle, or at least parts that need fleshing out. Vale and Cinderella and Godred are getting more and more substantial in my head, but I seem to have put a choke-hold on my own writing. It is very frustrating.

I know I have claimed I was going to work when Hannah wasn't around, but tonight she is going to sleep over at a different friend's, so I am making concrete plans to hide myself in the sunroom and write *something*, anything. Check back here tomorrow to see if I actually do it. (I will!)

God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest. -Swedish proverb

I finally scraped myself together enough to post on my other blog, but not much else has been happening writing-wise. One story (Vale, not Godred) started poking me in the brain while I was cooking this evening, so maybe I will go upstairs and work on it while John and Hannah and her friend are watching a kind of dumb movie on tv.

Just wanted to put up a couple of things that might be of interest for our resident romance writer:

Romance author Kathleen Woodiwiss dies at 68
MINNEAPOLIS — Kathleen E. Woodiwiss, a pioneer of the modern historical romance novel marked by strong heroines, detailed period settings and steamy sex scenes, has died, her family and publisher said Tuesday. She was 68.

Someone I know from an editing-related email list has published a write-up of the recent Romance Writers of America conference in Dallas at All About Romance.

Since I am not currently getting much writing of my own writing done, I will report on my other writing-related activity, editing. There is a lady John works with who has written a book about American wildlife, in English, and she asked if we would proofread it. I had done a proofread of her last book, so I said yes to be nice. When it came, it didn’t look like too much.

Except then I opened the envelope and found that it was double-sided (!). 270 pages. It took me a while to get started, mostly because I didn’t feel like it, but when I did finally start, I had to take frequent breaks to come down from the murderous rage it left me in. I tried writing a few journal entries about the experience while I was still in the middle of it (I finished it this morning and stuffed it in her office mailbox after lunch—woot!), but they all looked like this:

::stabbity::

That’s not good, especially since I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stab out my own brain or hers.

I know she is not a native speaker of English, but even German requires sentences to start with capitals and to end with periods. How hard is that? And if she had just turned on spell check, I wouldn’t have to fix “arev” (are) and “tofen” (often) EVERY. SINGLE. PAGE. Which would explain the murderous rage.

She did throw me a bone in the form of some howlers, but I decided not to mess with them. She talked about bears “making love”, and snails “shooting love-arrows at each other”, and my favorite, “the beaver’s running sore.” Sounds like an occupational hazard in the porn industry. *snarf*

I also discovered in the course of this project that the Staedtler “Noris Club triplus” red pencil sucks ass. When you sharpen it, the point is way too sharp, and then it immediately snaps off when you put pencil to paper. The color itself is very faint, and pressing harder just makes more of the lead break. I bought *2* of these bitches because my other red pencils had gone missing. I dug out what was left of my beloved Faber-Castell “Colour Grip 2001” and used it until it was literally too small to hold. Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever seen?


Once I figure out where I bought it in the first place, I will never go anywhere else for my pencil needs ever again.

Since I had rather a lot to say in response to your last post, Kee, I decided to make a post out of my comments rather than just stick them onto the end of your post in the comments section.

I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. I know that when John is out of town (and never for more than a week!), I swear that we can never divorce because I don't want to be a single mother. I can't imagine how they do it! And it must be multiple-times worse for you with twice as many kids and 4 times as long an absence, so I think you have the right to cut yourself a little slack.

That being said, I think the stress of your current family situation might be coloring your perception of your writing. Maybe you could take a break from it until Scott is back. If nothing else, no changes to your manuscript = no mistakes, at least until you can get some perspective on it.

And now I am going to head off at a slightly different angle, but I hope I can manage to pull it back around without losing track of what I am saying. *g*

From an article by Eric Flint in Jim Baen's Universe:
"There's an old saw in science fiction—I've forgotten who first came up with it—that says you have to write a million words of crap before you write anything worth reading. That's a bit of an exaggeration, in my opinion. At least for me. I've gone back through my personal history and added it all up, and I can now strut around and say very proudly that I managed to start writing pretty good stuff after writing only (by my best count) about 400,000 words of crap.

But whether it's a quarter million or half a million or a million words of crap, there are almost no writers who've managed to start writing well without a lot of practice, false starts, and a learning experience. Nor does that end once they start getting published. Almost all writers continue to improve with practice, for a period of many years after they start getting published."

This is something we have to keep in mind: we are both relative beginners at writing. It takes practice (which takes time) to learn a skill, and writing ficition is a series of highly advanced skills, I would argue. No one starts out with all the right tools in their writer's toolbox. Every writer has to learn about what tools she needs, and then basically contruct each tool from scratch to her own specifications. Think about how long a carpenter would need to make all his (physical) tools!

By including the quote about the million words of crap, I don't mean that you are writing crap. I mean that the million words represent the training phase of learning to write, and you learn writing by *writing*. It's a classic case of learning by doing.

But you also have to learn what *not* to do. I think you, Kee, may have fallen into the pit of trying to second-guess the market. I know you want your novel to sell, and well, but trying to guess what any given editor or agent is going to want to read and buy--and that is a single person whose buying habits you can research--much less guess what "the market" wants is the path to madness. I think you would be better off writing a book *you* want to read; after all, you are a reader in your genre. If you would want to read it, then there is probably someone else out there who would, too.

As Miss Snark used to say, "Write well." I wouldn't worry about following a trend in your genre if that is not the kind of book you like to read or write.

Having said all that, my advice to you, Kee (and what else is a big sister for?), is to put down the current version of Ransom and dig out the last draft of the earlier version and give it a read-through. I will bet you a jelly donut that you like Breck version 1 better. If you agree, I think the only thing to do is to stop screwing around with the new version that is making you crazy and go back to the older version and start from there. I know you added quite a bit of plot info, and most of that you will be able to salvage, but trying to chop Breck version 2 out would be like trying to clear a field of kudzu at this point.

One thing the article I quoted above did not mention was what happened to those million words of crap. Are they completed stories that got shelved? Chunks that were cut out of stories that went on to be sold? Just because you worked hard to write something doesn't mean you have to hold on to it. I worked really hard making Hannah, but that doesn't mean I wanted to keep her umbilical cord. *g* It served a purpose at the time, but afterward it was (medical) waste. It will hurt like a band-aid being ripped off a hairy spot, but getting rid of the parts that aren't working for you will be a weight off you, I bet.

Or you can ignore everything I said, but just think: several people read your earlier version and liked your characters. If you think you need a character who is a tough lady or whatever, save her for another book. I know you have another book in you! You don't have to use every ingredient in your kitchen for just one dish, so don't try to cram all your "good bits" into one story: a teaspoon of pepper may be just the thing you needed in a pot of beans, but it will really ruin that cheesecake.

I have been in a funk. I can sit down and read a crappy book and tell you everything that's wrong with it. I can read the editing book I have and absorb all the good bits in it, even thinking as I go how to check for things in my book. But when I think about picking mine up and reading it again, I want to cry. And actually have.

Even knowing that I have all these people supporting me. It has really been getting to me. There's stress with hubby working out of town and trying to juggle everything else by myself. Like lots of stress, like the kind that has been making me break out in hives and reaquaint myself with my friend Mr. Toilet. Yeah.

Then I start thinking about my story and about what crap it is. And about how I might have ruined the feeling of the main character in my sad ass attempts to improve it. And now don't know if it's anywhere close to being decent. And how I have no idea how to fix it.

And then I read a crappy book that DID get published. And cry some more.

I wanted to get back to the fantastic comments on my last post before now, but we have been quite the social butterflies the last couple of days. So I will give it a go while Hannah is off at a friend’s and the laundry is running itself.

Kee said:
“It gave a good hint to look at things scene by scene. Convey what you want about your character in relation to that scene. Save the rest as the story progresses and your character does too.”

I think this is good advice. I am still trying to decide if it pertains to short stories and novels equally. In a short story, you don’t have so much space for gradually introducing a character, but then again, you also don’t have so much space for him to change in (time-wise).

I think in my Godred story, Godred is going to realize/find out something he didn’t previously know, and this is going to be a major catalyst for him. It’s kind of a light-switch moment, but the reader needs to be able to follow the change from Godred before the “aha!” and Godred after it. Without me beating them over the head with it. Since I only have 4-5 scenes to work with, I have really got to fit a lot in there. *ponders*

Then WesTexGirl said:
“Because poetry is all about saying as much as possible in as few words as possible, tightening and making every word count was paramount to what we were trying to accomplish.”

I’ve always thought poetry was very similar to short stories in this respect. Every word has to pull its own weight, has to be able to defend its right to be there. Unfortunately, too many of my words are still flabby. *g* But writing is a bit like being a drill sergeant: you keep working those words until they shape up.

They say, “Kill your darlings”, meaning that even your favorite bits of your own writing have to be able to withstand careful scrutiny as to their contribution to your work. If they don’t pull their weight, out they go. I am one of the least sentimental people you are going to meet, and I regularly slash and burn as I go, but sometimes I wonder if I’m not chucking the baby out with the bathwater. But there’s something really satisfying about shredding the crap results. You just can’t look back, is all.

I am having a problem with characterization. (Well, lots of problems, but I am concentrating on characterization. *g*) Part of the problem is that my subconscious has been working on the inconsistencies in the plot, and some of the nuances of characterization are waiting for those plot problems to get cleared up.

When I started, I had the idea that Godred would be a tough guy with a soft center. But even a tough guy would be likely to crack (or at least learn to control himself) under the kind of pressure I had in mind.

On the second try, he came out mushy, with no edge.

On the third attempt, he wasn’t mushy, but he was still bland. It’s kind of making me crazy, trying to find just the right words to convey the way I see him in my head. Fortunately, even though I was pleased in general with my third attempt, I was able to see that he wasn’t quite where I wanted him to be, so I can still work on it. A few things have occurred to me, and the plot is starting to sort itself out nicely, so it is going to eventually fall into place, but the meanwhile is what is bugging me.

As part of my ruminations on characterization, I reread Monstrous Regiment, by Terry Pratchett. It is a brilliant novel on different levels, and hilarious to boot (like snorting-aloud-on-the-bus funny). I was able to pick up on some of the macro-level things he did with his characters, but they are still complex enough that I will probably have to give it another go, but this time in a more systematic way. Or maybe I’ll let my famously slow subconscious take a whack at it while I work on something else, say, my Cinderella story.

I had a dream last night that I sat down at the computer, and words just flowed from my fingers on my Godred story. Too bad it was just a dream.

Sometimes I wonder why I insist on sticking with writing. I don’t know that I feel as strongly about it as Kee, but maybe I am just approaching it differently. I think I would like to have some of my writing published, but that is not the driving force for me. I feel like I *should* be able to finish a story, and I’ll be damned if I stop before I do.

I guess it is one of my never-ending projects, like a certain quilt that won’t die, or John’s walking stick he has been carving on for a couple of years now.

In other news, I have been reading a book about Liselotte from the Pfalz, a local princess who married the brother of Louis the 14th of France back in the day. It is a really poorly put-together book, and I am leaning toward just abandoning it. For one thing, her father’s name is spelled 2 different ways on the same page. For another, page 39 is glued in behind page 9. I just don’t think I want to subject myself to such a high level of publishing incompetence, even if the subject is interesting.

And finally, I just finished my homework--*2 days in advance*. I know, you are probably stunned by this revelation. I certainly am. But I borrowed a book Hannah is using in school, and she needs it tomorrow, so I had to bite the bullet and work on a Sunday. *gasp* Maybe this work ethic will spill over to my writing...

I just noticed that with Kee's last post, we just hit 200 posts. Woot!

I have been dragging my Godred story around with me, adding a sentence or word here and there, crossing the sentences back out later. *sigh* If I could just finish this introductory scene, the middle already exists, although still in 3rd person form that I will be converting to 1st--hmm... maybe I should work on that will the introduction stews--and then I have a different end section in mind that needs to coalesce into actual words. There's still a long way to go.

But then last night a completely different story (my dragon story) that has been dormant for ages poked me in the brain while I was walking to a meeting at 8 pm (yuck!). So I jotted down what was poking me, but I don't expect it to take me anywhere for a while. But it is still good to know that something else is happening in my brain besides dust-collection.

In non-personal writing news, I have been working on proofreading something for one of John's coworkers, and some sections came close to driving me *mad*. Yes, I know you are not a native speaker, but haven't you ever heard of starting a sentence with a capital letter? And ending one with a period? grrr... 20 pages down, 200 to go.

Since I have the greatest sister in the world, I ought to repay her kindness in doing me and my friends a favor and post some new writing info.

I should be getting A LOT of work done since I am now accountable to TWO groups of people for my writing. And I love them both so much I can't lie and pretend to work and instead get my fill reading everynight. Oh, and did I also say I signed a statement, with TWO witnesses, that said I had to tell the truth. Yeah.

I picked up tonight and reread some of the self-editing book you got me. It really is great. It's helped me get focused about the problems I need to watch out for when I am reviewing what I "feel" is complete. Hopefully, I don't find some glaring newbie mistakes. I can't wait until I feel like the whole thing is done.

Gotta go and get to work.